I had felt it come and go - the spark of creativity that lights up behind my eyes. For the longest time I thought I was broken; burnt out. You said it was a phase I’d have to figure out. They said the lack of attention was ADHD, but the pills only made me feel like a dulled knife - it works, but not how you need it to. I was just going through the motions. The second time around it was depression. A new set of pills. The second time around was different, I could feel myself returning. But healing often reveals more than you bargain for and the ones you love most can be the ones to behind the knife. The pain of lies and cheating filled my world to the brim, something antidepressants couldn’t heal. Getting out of bed became a chore, but every day I did it became easier - “you don’t have time to sit, you don’t have time to cry; keep running”. But I never understood why you would do it.
My mom said when you put a molding piece of fruit next to a ripe one, the mold will jump from one to the other, infecting both with its virus. You had been hurting for so long, and I tried to be there for you, your own set of pills; to show you life could be beautiful if you let it. But the mold in your heart is too thick and in the end your pain grew into mine.
Thinking back now I can see it; the things you would say - words like missiles sent to destroy. One can only take so many hits before they crumble to an inner war.
It still hurts
But I’m better off now.
With you gone.
It’s time for me to come back.